Posted in parenting, Uncategorized

Do-Over #NaBloPoMo2016

Today’s BlogHer Promt is a great one:

If you could redo one moment in your life, what would it be and why? How would it change who you are now?

Ah, one moment?  It’s a toss up for me.  In my left hand, I have the story of the first time I met a girl who I’ll call “K” who was dating the older of two brothers.  In my right hand, a story of bottles.  Today, I’m choosing my right hand and keep the other story for another day.

Bottles?  Yup, bottles.  Baby bottles, to be exact.  When I had my first daughter I was certain I was going to bottle feed, and and any doubts I had went out the window when my cervix tore and I lost a lot of blood and was a little MORE out-of-it post-birth than the average mama.  We purchased fancy Dr. Brown’s bottles and my baby girl drank and grew and was mostly happy and healthy.  The bottles were treated with care – sterilized prior to each use and replaced at the smallest sign of wear…you know, first time parent awesomeness.  When she was weaned off the bottle, I knew we would try for more children, and I carefully sterilized and packed up the bottles to save for the future.  It was the same thing I did with clothes, blankets, infant toys.  I was being a good mom.  I was pleased with myself.

Two and half years later when we welcomed our second daughter into the world, I weakly tried breastfeeding and fell back into bottle-feeding quite quickly.  I was second-baby tired and happy I didn’t have to buy new bottles.  They worked and were cared for in the same manner as with my oldest.  I never thought twice about it.  Until about two years later when she had her first non-fever related seizure.  Already knowledgeable about epilepsy and seizures, I dove headfirst into the murky waters of “online research” searching for answers that my brain knew didn’t exist.  I wanted the cause.  The definitive cause for my child’s seizures.  I read a few articles suggesting plastic with BPA.  The bottles I cared for and lovingly saved were made before the “BPA-free” plastic revolution in all baby and children’s products.  Those bottles that my daughter drank from every day had BPA in them.  They were warmed and sterilized and USED frequently.  I asked our neurologist who told me I was crazy, but still, I wondered.  The unknown is what gets me every time.

And so it is for this reason, that if I could redo a moment, I would have thrown away those bottles.  I would have purchased new ones (I would also tell the younger me that she should really stick with breastfeeding/pumping – cause it can be done).  Perhaps the person I would be now would NOT have a child who had seizures and the challenges related to those seizures.  Or perhaps I would be the same mom in the same position, but without the guilt associated with a “what if.”  I guess we’ll never know.




I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, middle school counselor, a music and animal lover, a mac-preferer and a work in progress. I haven't had enough sleep in six years, but my life is one heck of a ride - care to join me on my adventures?

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